Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why Quit?

There are exactly 192,326,875 reasons why an aspiring novelist should quit writing. I thought I'd share some of those today.

-All the really good ideas have already been taken.

-People don't read books anymore.

-Writing books is hard.

-People don't like to read more than 140 words at a time.

-Books are so five years ago.

-Publishers won't publish your book unless it has been endorsed by twenty-five New York Times bestsellers and your mom is related to Oprah.

-Your mom isn't related to Oprah.

-Even after photoshop, your author photo still frightens small children.

-Writing books is hard.

-Your agent thinks your story about a killer lamp shade is juvenile and disgusting and asks you if you've considered getting another day job.

-Your mother-in-law read your latest manuscript then immediately called to ask your wife if her husband was feeling ill.

-It takes a long time to rewatch all of Lost. Again.

-You don't have time to write books.

-Oprah isn't your mom.

-Someone with your same name is already published and his books are juvenile and disgusting.

-Your agent doesn't exactly agree that Morgenheimer Tootmore is a good pen name.

-All the good ideas have already been taken.

-Your mother-in-law is concerned that you are spending too much time thinking about serial killers.

-Even after copying and pasting a different face onto your author photo, it still frightens small children.

-All the bad ideas have already been taken.

-Your mother-in-law is putting a restraining order on you.

-Your agent asks if you have any other skills, such as dog grooming or window cleaning.

-A publisher requests your book on the condition that you change the title and every word in the manuscript and Oprah adopts you.

-And finally, reason #1: It would just be so much easier to quit.

To all of you aspiring novelists out there, I say: Laugh in the face of reason and keep writing!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Forget Koontz and forget his book “What the Night Knows” (a ghost vengeance story, been there, done that), instead read a book that’s been BANNED like “America Deceived II” by E.A. Blayre III.
Last link (before Google Books bans it also]:
http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000190526

Anonymous said...

I am so glad I am not related to Oprah.

Raquel Byrnes said...

I don't know...I kinda like the name Tootmore. Better than Seymore Buts. =)
Edge of Your Seat Romance

James Andrew Wilson said...

Raquel,

Yikes! You're very right about that one.

Anne K. Albert said...

Love the one about the author photo scaring small children! Mine scares me. ;)

Hilary Wagner said...

James, I just watched your writing video! Hilarious! NEVER EVER QUIT!!!

Hilary

James Andrew Wilson said...

Hilary,

Thanks! Glad you liked the video. And I'm not planning on quitting anytime soon. :)

The Hot Girl in the Comic Shop said...

This list fills my soul with joy ^_^ I'll be reading it at my next writing meeting. Thanks for posting ^_^

James Andrew Wilson said...

Glad you like it! Don't quit!

Sharon Jones said...

Great post...

still laughing at all the Oprah references!

Sharon :)

James Andrew Wilson said...

Thanks, Sharon! Glad to share some laughs.

StevenLeconte.com said...

Did you quit?

kc said...

Funny list. I actually quit writing because God told me to. I put years into it, published a couple of articles, wrote a novel, started editing it, and then boom, it was over. There are more important things in my life right now, though, so it's okay. I don't really see me starting up again, but anything is possible.