Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why Quit?

There are exactly 192,326,875 reasons why an aspiring novelist should quit writing. I thought I'd share some of those today.

-All the really good ideas have already been taken.

-People don't read books anymore.

-Writing books is hard.

-People don't like to read more than 140 words at a time.

-Books are so five years ago.

-Publishers won't publish your book unless it has been endorsed by twenty-five New York Times bestsellers and your mom is related to Oprah.

-Your mom isn't related to Oprah.

-Even after photoshop, your author photo still frightens small children.

-Writing books is hard.

-Your agent thinks your story about a killer lamp shade is juvenile and disgusting and asks you if you've considered getting another day job.

-Your mother-in-law read your latest manuscript then immediately called to ask your wife if her husband was feeling ill.

-It takes a long time to rewatch all of Lost. Again.

-You don't have time to write books.

-Oprah isn't your mom.

-Someone with your same name is already published and his books are juvenile and disgusting.

-Your agent doesn't exactly agree that Morgenheimer Tootmore is a good pen name.

-All the good ideas have already been taken.

-Your mother-in-law is concerned that you are spending too much time thinking about serial killers.

-Even after copying and pasting a different face onto your author photo, it still frightens small children.

-All the bad ideas have already been taken.

-Your mother-in-law is putting a restraining order on you.

-Your agent asks if you have any other skills, such as dog grooming or window cleaning.

-A publisher requests your book on the condition that you change the title and every word in the manuscript and Oprah adopts you.

-And finally, reason #1: It would just be so much easier to quit.

To all of you aspiring novelists out there, I say: Laugh in the face of reason and keep writing!